Four Themes in the Intimacy Pillar:


1. Social Engagement System

2. "Me" and "We"

3. Comfortable with Closeness

4. Your Warm Heart

Topics covered in this pillar:


  • Deepening self-awareness of responses to disturbances in the connection system, including hurt, resentment, envy, jealousy, quarreling, inadequacy, loneliness, and shame.
  • How we evolved to be the most social species on the planet.
  • Neural mechanisms of healthy interpersonal experiences acting to calm and support us.
  • Understanding childhood development of patterns of relationships. Attachment theory; patterns of insecure attachment; muzzling self-expression.
  • Balancing the two great themes of life: autonomy and intimacy.
  • Centering in your own being. Healthy boundaries.
  • Tolerating closeness. The role of empathy; its three neural substrates; developing empathy skills.
  • How to experience the heartfelt without “going red” into clinging to it.
  • Feeling already connected, related. Overcoming “delusional separation.”

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Sue Carter
Linda Graham